Callum Mason

Journalist working at i. Formerly of MoneySavingExpert.com and Tes.

The London Gonzo •

Meet the 88-year-old man who raced a Southern train from Epsom to London – and won

An 88-year-old Epsom resident with a pace maker and mobility issues has beaten a Southern rail train on a race between his home town and central London.

Clive Stilton, who had to stop for breaks every three minutes or so over the course of the 15 mile walk, made the journey in 16 hours and 12 minutes – around an hour quicker than the train.

The exhilarating race looked at one point like it would come down to the wire, as the retired plumber had to stop for a half hour rest just outside Sutton,
The London Gonzo •

Britain’s biggest drinkers outed after Wetherspoons app data breach

The biggest binge drinkers across the UK have been revealed after hackers obtained and published data from the Wetherspoons app, revealing Brits’ boozing habits.

Data released online yesterday shows that one Spoons regular, Kev Hart from Nuneaton, has single-handedly ordered 55,000 pints of scrump cider from his local pub, The Crafty Fox, since early 2018.

And the leaked information also shows that revellers at one of the chain’s boozers in Bolton have ordered nothing but lager since it opened
The London Gonzo •

Start-up launches one millionth new banking app aimed at millenials

Another mobile app which claims it will “transform the way you bank” has been seen advertised on the London Underground this week.

‘Gulp’ describes itself as a challenger to Monzo, and claims that it “isn’t just any ordinary bank.”

The start-up’s unique selling point is its bright pink card – which whilst aesthetic, appears to function very much like an ordinary debit card – and its app, which cryptically says provides “a tailor made and bespoke experience”.

On its website, Gulp explains that
The London Gonzo •

Couple buy London flat without telling their story to the entire national media

A young couple have bought a property within the London commuter belt, but as of yet the story oddly hasn’t appeared in a single national newspaper.

Residents of Balham, Wandsworth, have told The London Gonzo that a ‘for sale’ sign was recently removed from a property in Balham Hill, and that a man and a woman – clearly and visibly younger than 30 – have moved in.

“I don’t understand”, said local resident Elaine Simmonds, “all evidence suggests that they have indeed bought the house, but I’d e
Edinburgh Flipside •

City council bosses announce plans to turn Edinburgh into “one massive hotel”

Edinburgh City Council have announced plans to turn the city into “one massive hotel”.

Bosses say that the plan makes sense given that tourists and students dominate the area anyway.

They say it will also stop everyone moaning about the weather, which will be regulated by a huge air conditioning system, as well as ensuring that riff-raff from nearby commuter towns such as Livingston and Rosyth are kept well away.

Council planners say the idea first came to them when developing plans to turn t
Edinburgh Flipside •

Rudolph only selected because of diversity quotas

Rudolph is only selected to be part of Santa’s sleigh team because of North Pole diversity quotas, other reindeer have claimed.

The startling statement has been made by Prancer, one of the biggest names in the iconic eight-animal team.

And whistle-blowing elves at Father Christmas’s arctic base have backed up the accusations, revealing the oft-quoted adage that Rudolph’s nose provides greater visibility to be a myth.

Disgruntled brown-nosed reindeer have bemoaned the quotas, saying that they
Edinburgh Flipside •

Christmas in the UK cancelled after Santa’s Tier 3 visa application rejected

Children across Britain are set to be disappointed this Christmas after Santa was denied entry to the UK at Dover.

UK immigration officials confirmed this evening (Sat) that Father Christmas had, had his Tier 3 visa application rejected and would be turned away at the border.

A government spokesman said that whilst the majority of Santa’s application was sound, it had been rejected because he had been unable to prove that there were no UK-based workers who could complete the work he was doing.
Edinburgh Flipside •

Student outlandishly claims we “should talk about” mental health

A student sent shockwaves through the university today after eccentrically suggesting that people should talk more about mental health.

Third year philosophy student Anne Chovies made the outrageous claim to classmates whilst leaving a lecture in Appleton Tower and now even plans to write a comment piece in the student newspaper about it.

Peers have been bowled over by this curveball of an assertion but Chovies is standing firm.

And the maverick isn’t stopping there, even shockingly supposing
Edinburgh Flipside •

“I went to a grammar school and it was good, therefore they are good”, says 45 year-old bigot

A sales and marketing representative from Kent has surely put an end to the age-old debate of whether the UK should introduce more grammar schools, after revealing that he went to one, and “it was good”.

Steven Horsely, 45, from Tunbridge Wells, said: “Say what you want about grammars but I went to one and didn’t do me any harm. “I got a world class education for free, what’s bad about that? The school was full of top chaps and we ought to have more of that. I wouldn’t have got to where I am to
Edinburgh Flipside •

Student Ready to Blame Inevitable Exam Failure on Library Protest

3rd Year English Literature student J.K. Bronte is already preparing to blame failure in her upcoming exams on the peaceful sit-in protest against the government’s ‘Prevent’ legislation, which is currently taking place at the university’s main library.

Bronte, who has so far only managed to actually make it to the university library on one occasion in the past two weeks, has already pre-filled in her special circumstances form, and posted numerous Facebook statuses about how, although it’s ‘gre
Edinburgh Flipside •

Student’s Exam “Was Alright Actually”

2nd Year Engineering Student Jerry Findlay announced to his flat mates this evening that the Fluid Mechanics 2B exam he sat earlier this afternoon “was alright actually” and not the “massive bitch of a question paper” that he had been proposing to his friends that it would be, for all of last week.

“Yeah it was fine” said Findlay, speaking to Flipside. “A lot of guys in the year above said it would absolutely shaft us but it didn’t I initially thought it can’t be much different to Fluid Mechani
Edinburgh Flipside •

First Year Student Suggests Exams Might Not Be The Best Way To Assess Ability

A first year English Literature student today posed the question to his course mates as to whether sit-down examinations were really the best way to assess student’s ability.

During a two minute monologue in the library foyer, Sym Ball, 18, explained to a small group of friends that making students complete tasks they are not perfectly prepared for, under a time limit, and then giving them feedback on their exertions was “not at all like real-life”, and “grossly unfair”.

“I think we should hav
Edinburgh Flipside •

Guy everyone hates has finished his dissertation

Fourth Year History student James Smith, “the biggest bellend in this university” according to his course mates, has finished and handed in his dissertation eight days early, to the annoyance of the rest of the library fourth floor.

Smith, who completed his dissertation on the life of Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels, uploaded a picture onto various social media platforms including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to mark the event. The image featured Smith clutching the binded thesis, whilst c
Edinburgh Flipside •

Free speech supporters invite ISIS to Edinburgh University so we can ‘criticise and ridicule them’

Free Speech supporters at the University of Edinburgh have today sent a formal letter to leaders of militant jihadist group ISIS, inviting them to speak at the University of Edinburgh, so that students can ‘criticise and ridicule’ them, and subsequently end their movement.

According to Parlie Cheaters, founder of an online petition to reinstate free-speech at the University of Edinburgh, ISIS should be given a platform to speak, so that students can experience and respond to their ideas, instea
Edinburgh Flipside •

Athlete Tests Negative for Steroids

The athletics world was left in shock today after Osain Nut-Bolt – a Jamaican sprinter who finished 8th in his 100m semi-final at the 2015 World Championships in Athletics – tested negative for all known steroids and other banned substances.

Nut-Bolt’s ‘B’ sample has been sent off for a re-test, but if it also proves to be negative, this will be the first time an athlete or cyclist has legitimately passed a drugs test since the Mexico Olympics in 1968.

Despite the glimmer of hope that Nut-Bolt
Edinburgh Flipside •

Class of 2018 graduation ceremonies to take place in Hugh Rob bunker

Current 1st year students at the University of Edinburgh have been informed via MyEd today that they will be graduating in the Hugh Robson Building’s infamous bunker, rather than McEwan Hall.

The news comes as part of the University’s five year ‘downsizing’ plan to save money, which can then be invested into a range of unethical companies such as drone strike component makers and oil businesses.

The plan will see the Class of 2015 graduate in Usher Hall, the Class of 2016, Potterrow, and the C
Edinburgh Flipside •

Punter goes to Fringe show after receiving flyer

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe has had its foundations rocked today, after a man decided to take his wife and children to a show at the Gilded Balloon wine bar, following an informative and relaxed conversation with one of the venue’s flyerers.

E.Z. Mug, 44, from London, was reportedly on a spontaneous trip to the Scottish capital this weekend, when he happened to stumble across a Gilded Ballon employee, flyering for Joe Funny’s stand up show ‘This title includes a wanky, generic pun and a prete